I started this blog 5 years ago and then stopped writing after one post. I think that is because my life dramatically changed. I moved away from my home to a strange city where I was hopeful that the "friend" situation would improve. Whoever said you can't run from your problems was certainly right. I ran and my problems were just hidden in my boxes I had packed. I will say that I did make new friends after the move. Friends I still keep in touch with and I am grateful for them. There are others in my life that have been there for years and I will always appreciate them and what they bring to my life.
With that said, I feel like I am in a similar situation that I was in when I wrote my first post. I find that people I called friends, where just mere acquaintances. Or even people that just used me for a minute and then disappeared into an undertow of strange faces. At least that is how I see it. My question for the interwebs is this: how much effort, love and time do you put in a friendship before you give up on it? I'm asking this because sometimes I feel like I put so much into a friendship when the other person isn't doing the same. But what I perceive as a lack of effort could be that person's best effort? So, when is a friend a friend or when are they just people that make short appearances in your life and then bow out gracefully? Am I just holding on to a ghost of an image that was never really there? I just don't know anymore. I sometimes feel like I reach out for help and explain how I am feeling. It goes in one ear and out the other of people I thought to be friends. I actually told 5 people that I felt like I had no friends. I explained to them my thinking behind it. Out of those 5, one responded to it. And she's been here for me ever since. That was a true friend in my eyes. What about the other 4? One keeps saying I'm sorry to me. The other 3? I haven't heard from since I organized a trip for the 4 of us to take together. I think that is what confuses me. I totally get that people have a life and other friends. But where do I fit in their lives? Or am I a puzzle piece that doesn't fit into their puzzling lives? Who knows. I'm trying to figure this out and I appreciate those that continue to be there for me and talk me through some of my randomness. To those of you that are a puzzle piece in my life, thank you, for always fitting into my life. To those of you that have their puzzle pieces scattered on the floor, please let me know if I fit into your life anymore.
With that said, I feel like I am in a similar situation that I was in when I wrote my first post. I find that people I called friends, where just mere acquaintances. Or even people that just used me for a minute and then disappeared into an undertow of strange faces. At least that is how I see it. My question for the interwebs is this: how much effort, love and time do you put in a friendship before you give up on it? I'm asking this because sometimes I feel like I put so much into a friendship when the other person isn't doing the same. But what I perceive as a lack of effort could be that person's best effort? So, when is a friend a friend or when are they just people that make short appearances in your life and then bow out gracefully? Am I just holding on to a ghost of an image that was never really there? I just don't know anymore. I sometimes feel like I reach out for help and explain how I am feeling. It goes in one ear and out the other of people I thought to be friends. I actually told 5 people that I felt like I had no friends. I explained to them my thinking behind it. Out of those 5, one responded to it. And she's been here for me ever since. That was a true friend in my eyes. What about the other 4? One keeps saying I'm sorry to me. The other 3? I haven't heard from since I organized a trip for the 4 of us to take together. I think that is what confuses me. I totally get that people have a life and other friends. But where do I fit in their lives? Or am I a puzzle piece that doesn't fit into their puzzling lives? Who knows. I'm trying to figure this out and I appreciate those that continue to be there for me and talk me through some of my randomness. To those of you that are a puzzle piece in my life, thank you, for always fitting into my life. To those of you that have their puzzle pieces scattered on the floor, please let me know if I fit into your life anymore.
